hagbard_harshaw

Is that a Wiimote in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

2008-07-10T16:37:53Z

Innovation in the field of teledildonics proceeds apace.

Maybe it's just my lack of imagination, but it seems to me the field of remotely acted-out fantasies these devices open up is limited at best. I'm imagining a steamy bluetooth-aided cybering session:

cyberstud: OK, im reaching into my bag and pulling out a vibrator
elfhottie16: ooh, goodie!
elfhottie16: (hang on, I've got to pair it)
elfhottie16: (ok done)
cyberstud: I'm slowly pushing it under your panties
elfhottie16: mmmmm
cyberstud: I've got it right on top of your clit now
elfhottie16: *pants with anticipation*
cyberstud: ok I'm turning it on low
elfhottie16: ooooooh
cyberstud: ok now I'm turning it up to high!
elfhottie16: OOH yeah!
cyberstud: now back down to low
elfhottie16: mmm, that's nice
cyberstud: now up to high again
elfhottie16: OMG YES
cyberstud: now I'm sliding the control down to low
elfhottie16: more, give me more!
cyberstud: you really want it, you dirty girl?
elfhottie16: give it to me!!!
cyberstud: ok back to high
elfhottie16: OH GOD
cyberstud: now low
elfhottie16: aaah
cyberstud: now high
elfhottie16: o fuck yeah
cyberstud: now low
elfhottie16: mmmmm
cyberstud: now high
[...15 minutes later...]
cyberstud: high again
elfhottie16: UNNNNHH ZOMG
cyberstud: now low
elfhottie16: mmmm, that was gr8
cyberstud: now high
elfhottie16: its ok, u can stop
elfhottie16: I came :-D
cyberstud: now low
elfhottie: goddammit, you wrote a perl script didnt you?!
cyberstud: now high again
cyberstud: o shit sorry, I was playing WOW

Job update

2007-06-19T00:20:50Z

My current job continues to be a source of mixed amusement and exasperation. Most recently they decided to yank me off my current job and send me to Kansas City - or at least, one Program Manager did. A short time later the Big Boss came along and told me to belay that, I WASN'T going to Kansas City. It seems my current PM was not amused that one of his engineers was getting yanked without warning. At this point I don't know what the hell is happening, but I'm packing a bag just in case.

ANYWAY, soon none of this will be my problem. Today I got a rather nice offer from an interesting company in Baltimore. Which I would be inclined to accept, but I'm also interviewing with Google. I just finished my second phone interview with them, in fact. My brain hurts.

It's funny how opportunities come in groups. I went for several months without any promising job leads. Now I have an excellent opportunity and an even better potential opportunity. If I have to choose between the two it'll be painful. I've always said I'd jump for a chance to work at Google, but it would mean moving, and I really like the team at this company in Baltimore.

So, for anyone who had been wondering, that's my job search status. I hadn't been saying anything because I wasn't sure if either of these leads would pan out, but now that things are moving forward I thought I'd go public.

HOT SEXXXY LIGHT FILING ACTION

2007-02-12T03:38:14Z

For those of you who read erotica:

Ever notice that the quality of the writing is inversely proportional to the length of the stage-setting portion of the story?

For some reason the worse the spelling and grammar is and the more egregious the random changes in verb tense, the more the author feels the need to fill you in on every excruciating detail of the characters' measurements, life history, career highlights, and genealogy.

Because goodness knows when our hero is "porking" his conquest with his "beef stick", all the while energetically cycling between first, second, and third person, we would be lost without the preceding seventeen pages of introductory matter, describing his early childhood in rural Idaho, abortive high-school sexual escapades, and his clumsy attempts to engage the new office file clerk in conversation while concealing his "giant boner".

Yeah, I get a lot of my one-handed reading material from Literotica.

Any recommendations for sources of better literary smut?

Sex myths

2007-02-12T02:42:03Z

You can learn a lot from the Internet when you're a horny 14 year-old.

Done giggling like schoolgirls? It's OK, I'll wait.

No, seriously. When I first had sex I already knew things like what the clitoris is, and the vital role it plays in the female orgasm; and that foreplay doesn't refer to a multiplayer mode in a video game. I have the Internet to thank for this preparation.

But there are certain pernicious untruths out there as; and not just on the Internet, but in books and magazines as well. Case in point;

When it comes to sex with women, cunnilingus is the master key.

Is there anyone who hasn't heard this, in one form or another? When you're a horny, curious teen boy, this is the advice you see over and over again, on forums, in articles, in sex FAQs. "Learn to lick like a pro", they all say, "and you'll be in like Flint". It's the ultimate foreplay technique, to get her motor revving. Show her you can't wait to go to town down there, and it'll set you apart from all the other guys. It's not just good sex advice, it's the key to a healthy relationship, some say. John Gray, of Mars/Venus fame, even devotes space in one of his books to the importance of the extended carpet-munching session.

So you read all this, and your course seems clear: by god, you're going to to learn anything you can get your hands on about tonguing the sacred clam, and when you finally get your chance you're going to blow her mind. You don't just overcome your squeamishness about Down There, you psyche yourself up so that you can't wait to be between her legs, french-kissing her vertical smile, come hell or menses. You practice oral calisthenics so as to be in tip-top shape. You read lengthy technical treatises by women on strokes and expert techniques. You masturbate while fantasizing about burying your tongue deep in a warm, wet cunt. You can almost taste it, you're so eager...

And then the day comes, somehow the gods have smiled on your socially-challenged nerdy existence, and you're in bed with an actual girl and you're both naked and you give her a sly grin and slide down and start writing the alphabet on her vulva with your tongue... and she says:

"Actually, I don't really care for being eaten out."

"!!!", you say. Followed by:

"You what?!"

"I dunno, it's just not that big a thing to me."

And there you are, on the front lines, realizing that your sexual Big Gun has turned out to be a dud. All that preparation, for naught. All you have left is a hazily-remembered list of Kama Sutra positions and something about letting her come first.

So if you're a randy teenage geek looking up sex advice, and you stumble across this: don't believe the hype. Cunnilingus ain't the female lingua franca. Best to take your stockbroker's advice, and diversify.

See also: "Size doesn't matter".

Scandalous!

2007-01-26T04:56:59Z

EDIT: If you're just coming in, please see the first post for explanation and journal policy.

So, what salacious, prurient, totally NSFW topic will I kick this journal off on?

I know, how about I bitch about my job. (Shock! Horror!)

So I posted a cryptic entry in my other journal recently, and here's what it was about: For the past several months I have been working on a Unit Test Executive for an IFF system my company makes. You don't need to know what any of that means; the important part is that this has been almost solely my own project. I designed and created it from scratch, and I've been pretty pleased with how it has turned out so far. It's as solid a design as I've ever come up with. It's not a part of the core product, but it is very important (or so I was told) to the development effort, since it will enable us to verify the product does what it is supposed to do.

Monday morning my project lead asked me to step into his office and close the door. He then informed me that due to changes in project scope, he no longer had the budget to keep me on the project. Since what I'm working on isn't the actual deliverable product, I was the only person expendable.

Now, this doesn't mean I'm out of a job. No, it just means I'll be transferred to another department in another part of the buildings. It sounds like I'll be going to the transponder group. Which has a reputation for being even more mired in bureaucracy than the group I'm in now.

Still, it's the last straw. Until a few days ago I was happy with my work, feeling like a productive and vital member of the team; and now I find out I'm deadwood. This isn't the first time something like this has happened: I'd estimate that about 50% of the projects I've worked on have been shelved before completion. (Which, to be fair, is not unusual in this industry).

I'm tired of the red tape and bullshit management fads. I'm tired of being told that I'm dong a better job than people at a higher pay grade, but because I don't have a degree I can't be promoted. Most of all, I'm tired of being jerked around.

So I'm updating my resume, and signing up with job listing sites. It's high time I moved forward towards my goal of working with a small, passionate team of developers on something cool and new and cutting-edge, in a company small enough it's not yet mired by layers and layers of management. It's time to move on.

Question for the peanut gallery: mentors of mine have been nagging me for years that I need to get my degree, that it's vital to my career. However, they are all people who have pursued lifelong careers in the defense contracting business, with the aim of winding up managing a bunch of programmers on big government projects. That's somewhere I never want to wind up. My impression of the fields I'm interested in moving into - web development, open source/linux development - is that in those areas, skill and experience counts a lot more than a piece of paper.

So the question is, do you have any opinion on whether I should devote my time and energy to getting a degree, or to developing my network, building community cred, and pursuing part-time contract work on the side? Which do you think is more likely to advance my career? Assume that I don't have the resources to effectively do both - because I don't.

Welcome

2007-01-26T03:09:17Z

Hi there. If you've found your way here it's probably because I sent you here, and you know who "I" is. If not, then welcome, stranger.

So here's the deal.

As those of you who know me are aware, I prefer to live my life as transparently as possible. I like to be open about my thoughts and feelings and opinions. I find that I have to endure less psychic friction that way.

However, I am not (yet) at a point in my life where it's practical to be completely open and transparent. There are things which if I discussed on my regular journal might unnecessarily disturb one of my children, an extended family member, a boss, or a prospective employer who happened to stumble across it. And because my regular journal is inextricably linked with my real-life identity - is, in fact, among the top Google results when searching for my name - it is almost certain that some of those people will eventually stumble across it.

So this is where I'll talk about things I don't feel completely comfortable talking about in front of the above-mentioned list of potential readers. Which could mean a lot of different things; anything from BDSM, to the fact that I am not entirely loyal to my present employer, to musings on Anarchist theory. This is also an account I can use to participate in communities like sextips, without worrying that entries there are going to pop up when someone Googles me. I am not ashamed of any facet of my personality; but society being what it is there are certain aspects I don't wish to push in the faces of my family or employers.

This isn't really a "private" journal. The entries will be public for anyone to read. I won't be posting my DEEP SEKRIT FEELINGS, any more so than I post them on my regular journal. In fact, I'm more likely to write about my inner life over there. Nor is it intended to be ultra-secure; anyone who is willing to put forth a concerted effort will no doubt be able to track down my real identity, which is fine. This is just intended to be a place I can talk anonymously about the things I don't want to be the first thing someone sees when they look up my name.

My one request of you, dear reader, is that you keep my secret for me. If you know my real-life identity, please don't link it to this one in any way. Do not mention my other real life identity (or any other personas of mine), and don't mention this persona on any other journals or websites of mine.

Thank you, and welcome.

EDIT: Just to clarify, it's OK to add this account to your LJ friends list. If someone wants to go to the trouble of tracking me down by analyzing my friends' friends, then more power to them. The point of this account is mainly to throw off the casual name-Googler.